Original Thinking
July 9, 2009
Permit me a little whining: why does everyone ask the same questions, and act as if they’re the first to ever think of such objections? Here’s a few examples:
- Let’s end the War on Drugs! But won’t everyone become an addict?
Answer: Yes. You’re right. Everyone is going to become an addict if currently prohibited drugs are legalized. No doubt your granny is going to start shooting up heroin the day it becomes legal. Next:
- Taxation is theft. Our tax money is taken against our will, at a rate of approximately half our incomes, and wasted on all sorts of failed projects without our consent. (Though the state is remarkably competent when it comes to killing foreigners.) But what about roads?
Answer: You’re right, I clearly don’t like roads, and neither does anyone else who protests war and torture and wasteful spending. The other libertarians and I are going to use our untaxed jillions to float in hovercrafts and look down and laugh at all you sweaty plebes plowing your dirt paths. I’m glad we talked about this.
- Seasteading—the idea of living on floating platforms and ships in the ocean—is a novel approach to starting new governments, or just to life in general. But won’t you be raped and killed by pirates?
Answer: I’m glad you asked. Of course, rapists and murderers can only be found in the oceans—that’s why life is so peaceful on the mainland, rendering police forces largely redundant. No wonder the cops themselves must turn to assault, to keep things interesting. Much like you, we are more worried about the relatively sparse, unorganized, ragtag pirate outfits roaming the world’s oceans (but mostly concentrated around notoriously unstable countries) than we are about the governments boasting well-funded armies and navies, some of whose members are apparently skilled purveyors of torture. Let’s hang out at the Rainbow Lounge deep in the mainland, where it’s safe.
In accordance with this logic, I should point out that the floating resort ship known as the Residensea, occupied perhaps exclusively by the extremely wealthy, has been hijacked numerous times, with its well-off residents held ransom over and over by men with eyepatches and parrots. The women have all been repeatedly ravished, even—especially—the heroin-addled grannies. (Fortunately all pirates resemble Johnny Depp, and women are okay with rape as long as their attacker is attractive.) At least there are no filthy roads out there in the water.
All right, I’m powering down the Snark Machine for now. I think I’m just bitter because I can’t attend FreedomFest and jingle my moneybags (all advocates of free markets carry these everywhere.) Oops, the machine’s off now.
